The Secret Origin of Relationships
One thing I wish someone told me when I was younger is that although it might seem like relationships are something that happens to you- they are actually something you actively call in based on your relationship with yourself.
Your relationship with you sets the tone for all of the external relationships in your life. So when you’re stuck in a relationship, the place to look is within. Where can you show up more for yourself? Where can you be kinder and more loving? Shift that relationship and the rest will follow- or they will gently fall away. You’ll also call in new relationships that reflect your growth.
So how do you improve that relationship? Here are two simple ways you can get the ball rolling.
Take yourself on a date.
Set aside some time with yourself, just like you would on a date. Take yourself out for coffee. Go for a walk in a beautiful place. Choose a place that you like and that’s quiet enough that you can communicate easily. Then, check in with yourself. You can have an inner dialogue, or you can use a journal or laptop to communicate in a written way. Ask questions. Be interested in the answers and follow up on them. How are you doing? What kind of support do you need right now? What are some things you’re excited about? What are your struggles and challenges? And remember, this isn’t an interrogation- this is a gentle curious conversation with someone you’re genuinely interested in getting to know. Let the conversation go where it goes and accept the feedback. Then, make an agreement to give to yourself in some of the ways you want/need. Maybe you want more time to yourself. Maybe you want to have more fun. Maybe it’s a spa day. Take note and make a plan to take action to be a better partner to yourself by stepping up.
Notice negative self talk.
When you’re being hard on yourself, or judging yourself in some way- notice and just stop. Right there, when you looked at your stomach and thought- ugh. Stop. Apologize. Tell yourself you are going to do better to try and appreciate and respect the amazing human being that you are. Then, slowly- bit by bit- erase that voice. That voice, the negative critical one- is not your truth. When you start interrupting unhealthy patterns in your relationship with you- things will begin changing.
Why? Because when you value yourself more- you expect that from other people too. That gives your current relationships an opportunity to grow- and if they don’t- if the other person is not ready to take that step, then the relationship will fall away. New people will come into your life who value you and themselves more. This is the secret that can transform every relationship in your life. Try it and see for yourself.
