“Too Sensitive”
Recently, I got hearing aids for the first time in my life.
I’d needed them for a while. I’d unconsciously learned to read lips in order to understand what people were saying. That worked for a while, until the gaps between understanding and guessing grew. Soon,I found myself asking people to repeat themselves—frequently. When this got old, I bit the bullet and went to the audiologist.
When I first put them in, the sounds came flooding in. Not just speech, but all little things I’d been missing- the sound of my hair moving against my clothes, the crunch of the gravel beneath my feet, the crinkle of every bag, the hum of traffic, wind, birds, the cat bell jingling two rooms away. It was irritating. It was overwhelming. It was just too much. After one hour I wanted to turn them off. When I did it was a relief so sweet that I could feel through my whole body. Space. Silence. Peace. But I was also back in my bubble. People spoke and I nodded vacantly.
For people who are highly sensitive, or Empaths, this experience might sound familiar. Empaths are people who feel and sense the energy of people, places and things acutely. This includes sensory information of all types –physical and emotional. Empaths are the people who know how you’re feeling right away, even if you’re talking over the phone. They notice you got a haircut and that the cat is limping slightly on its front paw. Empaths are often attracted to the arts and music, because they notice nuances in color, sound and texture others simply filter out. This is a strength, but it comes with some challenges.
Many Empaths are told they’re ‘too sensitive’. But being sensitive is actually an ability, like being athletic- and you can’t have too much of an ability- it just means you’re better at it. What’s too much isn’t the sensitivity, it’s that Empaths often absorb the energy of the things they sense. This is unconscious, and it’s also reinforced by others, because other people like it when someone takes their uncomfortable emotions: like grief, anger, or fear. Over time, Empaths learn that they can ‘make other people feel better’ by doing this, while they themselves feel worse. This is compounded in a large group. Many Empaths may feel overwhelmed by the collective force of other people’s emotions. It can also manifest in more subtle ways as discomfort or anxiety or exhaustion from having to process so much. Because of this, many Empaths avoid group settings and events, and isolate themselves so that they have time to process all of the energy they handle each day. Many empaths think of themselves as introverts because they feel most comfortable when they have space from others.
They choose to stay home instead of going out or spend a lot of time in a disassociated state-zoning out so that they can get some relief. Like me, with my hearing aids turned off- this just feels better. The downside of this is they miss out on connecting with others and experiencing the world. It’s ironic, because Empaths love connection and they’re great at it. Their sensitivity is a superpower that allows them to have deeper more connected relationships and to feel all the beauty and wonder in the world, not just the hard stuff.
But Empaths don’t have to isolate themselves to feel better. There’s another way. It requires practice and awareness, but with time it’s possible for Highly Sensitive people to feel comfortable in any setting. The key is to become aware of when you’re absorbing or taking on the energy and emotions of others. You can begin by noticing when you have an unexplained shift in your mood. Your friend calls you up and is feeling sad- by the end of the conversation, they’re feeling better but you’re feeling down. Take 30 seconds and do this simple visualization.
You can use this visualization with small interactions, or large ones. Say you go to a party and come back feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Do the same visualization, but this time ask the bubble to take ‘everyone’s energy from the party’ You don’t even have to know who they are or what they were feeling. You can just intend for the bubble to collect it all up. Imagine moving it out of your home- somewhere far away and pop it, or if you’re feeling pyrotechnic- blow it up.
When you do this on a regular basis- a deeper shift will begin to happen in your space. You’ll become aware of the pattern. With time you will break the habit of taking on other people’s energy and the world will open up.
Changing patterns takes time and it can help to have support. Over the years I’ve gathered many tools for working with sensitivity in a grounded, sustainable way. I share more of them in my class Healing the Empath. I also offer one-on-one sessions to support your growth as a highly sensitive person. For me, learning simple tools to create boundaries and tend my space helped me step into my power as a sensitive person. Your sensitivity isn’t a problem. It’s a gift. You can tune it out, or you can learn to work with it consciously.
